Should you invite co-workers to your wedding?
Getting married? Read this before making your guest list and sending out your wedding invitations.
Planning the big day? Congratulations! Let the fun begin.
If you haven’t already, you’ll soon find it can be tricky to balance wedding planning with work (that is, unless you have an actual job as a wedding planner). Seriously, though, creating the guest list alone is sure to cause some stress and heartache.
Just ask Britain’s Prince Harry and American actress Meghan Markle. With a high-profile guest list of 600 people, it’s been widely reported that some interesting cuts were made on both sides of the aisle. While Markle decided not to extend invites to her estranged half siblings, she did invite all of the main cast members, and even some of the crew, from her seven-season tenure on the TV show, Suits, as well as her stylist, Jessica Mulroney. As for the prince, a veteran of the British Army, more than 250 of his comrades from the Armed Forces will perform ceremonial duties at the wedding. Prince Harry also extended invites to colleagues from charities he’s worked with, including Sentebale co-founder Prince Seeiso of Lesotho.
With all of the hype surrounding the royal nuptials (are the Spice Girls really going?), we started thinking: Should you invite your boss and co-workers to your wedding?
Monster career expert Vicki Salemi says it’s nice, but not necessary. “It’s nice since, technically, they’re your work family, and if finances allow, then go for it,” she says. “But if finances and head counts are tight for the big day, don’t feel obligated.”
Read on for proper wedding invitation etiquette—and other pre-wedding faux pas to avoid in the workplace before the big day—so you don’t lose any friends at work.
Which co-workers make the cut?
Looking around the office, it’s easy to see that each relationship you have with your colleagues is different. So how do you determine which ones—if any—should be there for your special day?
“Ask yourself if you’re going to be in touch with them after either of you leave this job,” Salemi says. “Where do you see the work friendship going one year, three years, even five years from now?”
OK, so maybe you have a work BFF who you absolutely want to invite, but as for your other co-workers, well, you’re just not as close—Salemi says that’s when it can get messy.
“You need to be up front about it,” she says. “Speak to them and address it, saying you hope they understand and don’t want them to feel left out, but it was ultimately a decision based on finances since weddings are incredibly costly.”
You can even add that you’d love to have a work wedding celebration with them, Salemi suggests.
Keep in mind, though, that “sometimes people don’t want to be invited to a wedding because they know how expensive it is and may not feel close to you,” Salemi says. “Plus, once you’re on the dance floor cutting loose, you may not want all of your colleagues there.”
But what about your boss?
Co-workers are one thing, but your boss is an entirely different animal. You might feel obligated to invite your boss or supervisor to your wedding, and while it’s a nice courtesy, Salemi says it’s OK if you don’t.
For example, if your boss is toxic and makes your skin crawl, don’t invite them—you don’t need additional stress on your wedding day. Or, if you’re going to start looking for a new job as soon as you return from your honeymoon, Salemi says you don’t need to bother sending them an invite.
On the other hand, if you have an awesome relationship with your boss, Salemi says it’s a no-brainer to invite your boss into your world.
“Your wedding day is an introspective lens into not only your personal life, but a glimpse at you and your future spouse as a couple,” Salemi says. “Special people belong there; non-special people don’t.”
Again, just make sure you address it with your boss if you choose not to invite them. You don’t want to get passed over for a promotion or a raise because they felt slighted.
Vow to minimize wedding talk
It may be one of the most important days of your life, but your co-workers don’t want to hear you talk incessantly about your wedding—that’s what your friends outside of the office are for. (The same applies to bachelor/bachelorette parties and bridal showers.)
“Yes, it’s incredibly exciting,” Salemi says, “but you also run the risk of having everyone at work wonder if you’re getting paid to hash out wedding details, or if you’re actually getting any work done, especially if you don’t invite some or all of your co-workers.”
Sure, your colleagues may see some photos you post on Instagram, or ask about the big day in passing, but Salemi says there’s no need to talk about it 24/7 at the office.
“If they bring it up, it’s OK to talk about it,” she says, “but once that particular conversation fizzles, there’s no need to constantly reminisce and bring it up.”
Is your job “the one”?
Now that you’ve found the one you want to marry, it’s time to think about finding your perfect job match. Not in love with your current job? Join Monster for free today. As a member, Monster can act as your job matchmaker when you upload your resume—up to five different versions—to our database, where recruiters and hiring managers come to search every day, looking for qualified candidates, just like you. Say “I do” to gainful employment and see how Monster can help match you with your dream job.